The eight-legged menace

They've infiltrated the house. I am besieged. They will stop at nothing. There are spiders everywhere in my house, and they are killers. Ok, they have only proved that they kill each other, but that still counts as deadly.
I was sitting on the couch watching television when there was a noise on the floor. I looked down and saw that the sound was a large spider scuttling across a newspaper. Now I don't know about you, but I have never heard a spider before I saw it.
I needed to act fast, to round up the spiders and put them in the garden. I found two, and popped them in a jar while I flushed out the big one. It was like in the movies: I pulled the couch forward and peered into the murky crevices. Then, narrowing my eyes, I noticed with unpleasant surprise a small arachnid right under my nose.
When I turned back to the jar after five minutes of searching, I was alarmed to find that the bigger spider had killed the smaller one, and was holding its prey in a scarily possessive way.
It was time to abandon the hunt and adopt an attitude of blind panic...